I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

The Retune Blog - 14th April 2023

This Sunday I’ll be preaching on the person who has come to be known as doubting Thomas. But perhaps this name, and some of the centuries of paintings that are associated with him have judged Thomas harshly. Afterall, doubt can be a useful experience. And what's more, one which is natural to our experience of life where we all experience ups and downs. I think this reality check of the human nature of doubt is something U2 capture beautifully in I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.

I have climbed highest mountains. I have run through the fields. Only to be with you … But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Sometimes, life, and faith, are presented as always shiny, always certain. But the reality of experience causes doubts for all. This lack of certainty is something we will all experience in different ways and at different times in our lives. Coming to terms with certainty as an illusion can be an immensely liberating experience. For me, having a heart attack at the age of 42 was a shock, but one which helped me to explore the uncertain nature of life.

Being able to have doubt, and allow it to help us explore something more than a shallow certainty is something fundamental not only to faith, but also to our dance through life and ultimately on to death. Doubt in life is not our enemy, but our aid to a deeper and more secure, even if a little less certain, existence.