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2024 / July


Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur

The Retune Blog - 5th July 2024

When asked about the song Parklife, Blur guitarist Graham Coxon, noted that it was a song about the people they saw in the park everyday on their way to the studio. People who were having fun just getting on with what they wanted to do.

I often find that in coaching people that the simplicity expressed in Coxon’s answer is something many people aspire to, the confidence to just be themselves and get on with what they want to do. So, what about this word confidence? What is it and can we all show it? Well according to Blur, yes:

Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur …

Here, confidence is seen as a choice people make. They look at the world, see what is going on and choose to do their own thing anyway. As I said before, it sounds so simple. So why do so many of us struggle with confidence?

In the song confidence is expressed through action. The characters are just getting on and doing what they want to do. But often, I find that people talk of confidence in the frame of how they feel rather than what they do. They don’t feel confident and so don’t act confident and are then disabled by their emotions. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s a five step plan to develop confidence:

  1. Build emotional strength - Be aware of your feelings and move through them instead of avoiding them.
  2. Express authenticity - Honestly express your experiences and perspectives with good intention and discretion.
  3. Create action - Take small steps designed to manifest the authentic emotionally strong you.
  4. Develop continual growth - Reframe your negative self-talk to an awareness of how you can positively develop your competencies.
  5. Acknowledge progress - Accept and own the compliments you receive as a mark of the work on your journey.

The key here is recognising that confidence is a choice which is action orientated and that the emotions can follow rather than allowing the emotions to dictate the actions. Or to put it in the words of Blur, confidence is a preference.

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Founder and Director of Metanoeo CIC and Metanoeo Coaching. Working with individuals, communities and business to co-create #wellbeing4all through life coaching, resources for living life well and training and supporting life coaches.


11 July 2024