This is me trying

The Retune Blog - 5th May 2023

Have you ever tried really hard at something and not succeeded? I’m sure that like me, the answer will be yes. When we reflect on the efforts we’ve made we might respond by reframing the experience by saying something like ‘well what is success anyway?’ Alternatively, we might respond saying that there is no such thing as failure, only learning experiences.

Both of these responses certainly contain some truth, but the frustration can still remain, especially if we feel we have let others down. This frustration is expressed in Taylor Swift’s This is me Trying:

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. At least I'm trying.

The song bears a characteristic of frustration that addiction or mental illness can be a struggle, and a struggle in which other people do not see the efforts which you are making. Reframing this using phrases like those above is certainly one way of addressing our own mental perspective. However, is there a way we can transform our efforts so we are not just trying, but making progress?

One way of changing how we think about the word trying is to think of trying as being only one side of the coin. So, what’s the other side? Well, try considering it training. If trying is what we do in the moment when we are struggling with an issue, training is the activity we put in before the moment.

When we train, we try to develop habits that will help and discipline us in making choices. The idea is that when doing this in easier situations, it becomes a more natural choice during times of challenge. In the song, you could consider this lyric as an example:

And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound.

Training would be preparing yourself beforehand. Having the discipline of thinking through the challenges you might face at the party, such as what you might do if a certain scenario arises, and developing the habit of reframing the challenge not as something to fail or succeed at, but as one in which to consider an opportunity to develop your skills.

So, if you want to do more than just try, reframing is part of the solution, but it needs to be combined with training before the moment.